A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
