Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
True college students do jello shots in the library
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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