I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
