Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
