mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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