dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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