I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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