He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
