i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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