i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
