Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
