hotel room ftw
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
