6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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