God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
