pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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