So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
