my soul wont recognize me after tonight
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
