somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
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I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
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I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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