You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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