Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
