My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
