can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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