It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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