so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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