I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
