I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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