Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
