I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
