tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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