so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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