Have you finally orgasmed yet?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Buhtt sex?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
