they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
