That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
