It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
