But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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