I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
