i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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