So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
