She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I can't turn off my feet"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
