smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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