Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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