Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we're making bets on your personal life
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
