Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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