Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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