Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
