Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
