We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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