Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
