ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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