i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
