Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
