I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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