just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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