So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
