I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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