How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
