If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
