is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
