Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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