My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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