Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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