Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
