Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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