dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
