Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
