I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
