I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
