I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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