Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
