dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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