Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
