You smell like stripper and shame
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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