dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
