hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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