All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
