please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
