I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
