What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
